


Desert

by KatsudonLink



Category: Original Work
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-20
Updated: 2014-07-20
Packaged: 2018-02-09 17:24:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 670
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1991409
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KatsudonLink/pseuds/KatsudonLink
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I dream of a desert. </p><p>I dream of <i>the</i> desert.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Desert

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not sure what this is. Or if it makes sense. Notify me.

I dream of a desert.   
  
I dream of  _the_  desert.   
  
I feel the scalding grains under the soles of my feet and I smile a broken smile because this means that I can still feel what is under me. I haven’t flown away yet. When I jump, I come back down and tiny rocks dig into my skin.   
  
Sometimes I look up at the sky. Sometimes there are birds. I never thought I would perceive this shade of blue as hateful before. When I fall on my knees, sometimes, I feel like I am slowly evaporating. I think if I cry, my tears will go up instead of down. There is sand between my fingers. I think I am here because if I can grasp the land, I can shake the Earth, but here nothing is graspable.   
  
I walk.   
  
I haven’t said a word in a long time. I don’t know how many days it has been. I had been making tally marks on my body with my knife but then I convinced myself that I lost an entire week wondering around, not noticing that time had passed. Maybe it’s true. Maybe it came from the mentally unstable side of my mind. Maybe it came from the stable part, but still is insane to think about.   
  
I run. I lie on the sand. I don’t know how I am alive. I’m not suppose to be. I think it is a cruel joke. I cry. My tears go down instead of up. It makes me sob.  
  
I used to be afraid to be alone with my mind. After a while, it drove me to complete frustration, perhaps even a meltdown but now, the only thing I am afraid, actually downright scared of is seeing someone else, there, looking for me, trying to speak to me, trying to touch me.  
  
It’s peaceful here. At night, the sand is warm and the stars are bright. I open my eyes and I look at the stars. I know enough to know that some of those stars are actually galaxies, with a million Earths inside. I feel small. I lie on the sand. I run.   
  
I try to speak. I don’t. Maybe I just don’t have anything to say.   
  
I see the full moon. All bright and glorious. I inexplicably howl to it until my throat is hoarse. My lips are chapped. I suspect they may be bleeding.  
  
I feel detached. I feel completely here. I feel unfocused. I feel completely concentrated. I know where I am. I’m in a desert. I’m in  _the_  desert. God knows how long I’ve been here. I suspect I’ve been here since it was created.   
  
I don’t know where my shoes are. I recall burying them, but I think that was a dream.  
  
When I open my eyes, I’m on my bed. When I go to my therapist, she’s on her chair.   
  
I tell her, I dream of a desert.   
  
I tell her, I dream of  _the_  desert.   
  
She howls at me like I’m a full moon. All bright and glorious. She looks up at the sky and sometimes sees birds. I look at her and sometimes she’s not there.  
  
When I open my eyes, it’s red. When I open my eyes, wolves are digging into me. I grab the sand and try to shake the Earth. It doesn’t work. It’s like a cruel joke.   
  
I cry. I lie on the sand. I run. I fall on my knees. My howl is broken. Wolves run after me. I feel like I am evaporating. Tiny rocks dig on my back. Wolves bite at my arms. The marks look like tally marks.   
  
I don’t have a knife. I can’t breath. I close my eyes and I see stars. I know enough to know that some of those stars are actually galaxies, with a million Earths inside. I feel immense. I don’t know how I am alive. I’m not suppose to be.  
  
I cry. I lie on the sand. I can’t run. 


End file.
